Curious if couples actually use sex toys together? We explore the real dynamics, emotions, and benefits behind shared pleasure in the bedroom.
I used to think sex toys were just for solo nights.
You know—the kind of thing you buy quietly, stash in the back of a drawer, and maybe take out when you're feeling adventurous and alone. The idea of using one with someone else? It felt… awkward. A little intimidating. Like bringing a third party into something that's supposed to be intimate.
But then I had dinner with my friend Lina, and she changed my mind.
She’d just gotten back from a weekend away with her boyfriend. “We brought the remote vibe,” she said casually, sipping her wine like she’d just told me they’d brought sunscreen. “Used it on the train ride there.”
I nearly choked. “Like… on the train train? With other people?”
She just smiled.
And that’s when I realized I wasn’t behind because I wasn’t kinky—I was behind because I’d never thought to talk about it. Until then, I didn’t know how common it actually was.
Turns out, more couples are exploring with toys than ever before—but they're not always shouting it from the rooftops. And honestly? That makes sense.
Using toys together isn’t about replacing anyone. It’s not even about “fixing” a boring sex life (although yes, it can help there too). What I’ve learned—and heard again and again—is that it’s about deepening trust. Creating playfulness. Sometimes it’s about laughter, sometimes intensity, but more often than not… it’s just about connection.
Like Jamie and Chris, who’ve been together six years and swear by their weekend rituals. They light candles, put on music, and take turns using a wand massager—not just on each other, but with each other. They say it’s the one time of the week they truly slow down and listen to what the other wants. No kids, no phones, no “should we do the dishes”—just touch, sounds, feedback, presence.
Or take Mira and Zoe—newer couple, about 10 months in. Mira told me, almost shyly, that she didn’t feel comfortable telling past partners she liked strong clitoral stimulation. “I just assumed it was my problem,” she said. But when Zoe bought her a remote control panty vibrator and said, ‘I want to learn what you love’, she cried. Not from embarrassment—from relief.
Sometimes a toy isn’t just a toy. It’s permission.
Of course, it doesn’t always go smoothly. Some people worry about what it “means.”
“Am I not enough?”
“Is something wrong with our sex life?”
That’s normal. But almost always, that fear fades once the door opens.
Because using a toy together isn’t about what's lacking—it's about what’s possible.
A vibrating egg doesn’t say, “You’re not doing it right.” It says, “Let’s try something different. Let’s be playful. Let’s flirt from across the room. Let’s see what happens if we stop being serious and start being curious.”
And maybe the most important thing I’ve heard from couples who do this regularly?
They don’t treat toys like tools. They treat them like co-conspirators.
Like a shared language that doesn’t always need words. A wink across the dinner table. A slow exhale in the dark when one partner reaches into the bedside drawer. A giggle when the vibrations surprise them both.
There’s no one way to do it.
Some couples keep things external and gentle. Some explore deep stimulation. Some only use toys during foreplay, others let them guide the whole experience. What matters is that it’s chosen—together.
One couple I spoke to recently said their favorite way to unwind after a long day was slipping on their remote control couple toy, turning on some background music, and letting the toy do the talking. “It’s less about orgasm,” she said, “and more about the shared secret.”
If you’re reading this wondering whether you could try it—yes. You could.
Start by talking. Not in bed. Not in the heat of the moment. Maybe while walking the dog, folding laundry, or in the car with nowhere else to be. Try asking, “Have you ever thought about using something extra in the bedroom?” Or even better: “What would you love to try with me that we haven’t yet?”
The best toys for couples aren’t necessarily the fanciest. They’re the ones that feel safe, small, a little fun, and not too serious. Vibrating rings, slim bullet vibes, wearable vibes. Things you can use together—without needing to explain yourself.
And hey—if it feels a little awkward the first time? That’s part of it. Laugh through it. Hold hands. Try again.
You might be surprised how quickly the tension turns into a different kind of buzz.